Coming Out Story - College
One of the things I have found out over the last year is that "coming out" is not a short process. I started coming out a year ago. I started with a few friends, all of whom were very supportive(they all told me they knew anyway).
My favorite story is of my friend who lived next to me in the dorms. We always teased him about being a little naive, which is why I was surprised that he asked me if I was gay with 4 weeks left in school. Of course I flatly denied it and said I wasn't. He told me it was okay if I was, and that it didn't matter. About a month later he came to visit me, and I finally told him. His reaction was definitely unique. He started jumping up and down yelling "I knew it!" He was so proud of himself, I couldn't help but laugh! We are still very good friends and he has come a long way in understanding that people who are gay are the same as heterosexuals.
I wish I could say that my parents reaction was as good and fun as my friends. Initially my parents were very supportive, but things went downhill quickly. I found out my parents hoped I was bi-sexual and would only date women. They also decided that I couldn't possibly be happy and wanted me to go to counseling. I told them I wanted them to go to counseling and PFLAG meetings, which they refused to do. My father, who is in the medical profession, understood it in this way: "So you have this illness that you are going to have for the rest of your life." They were both positive that I would be downtown picking up boys for sex, and that I would eventually be shot leaving a gay bar. This was very upsetting for me, having two educated parents behaving in such an irrational manner. I tried to be patient, but found it very hard.
I was accepted by my close friends and some other relatives, so I didn't feel the need to wait for my parents to understand. Because of their unwillingness to learn and ask me questions, their "coming out" process is moving very slowly. What gay people have to remember is that their parents go through the same stages we have gone through. The stages of denial, anger, remorse and acceptance are very real for parents too. My mother, like many others, told me she feels like someone has died(Something I don't recommend parents telling their children, it is a little upsetting to say the least). They only thing that has died though is the image the parents created in their head, something that was never real anyway.
I can say that I am more comfortable and happy with myself than I have ever been. After coming out I relaxed and calmed down. Once you realize that it is okay to be gay, and that you don't have to hide it, the most amazing things can happen.
