Coming Out Story - 1983
I knew when I was a student at I.U.-Bloomington that I was attracted to other men, but I hid it — and never acted on it — to avoid negative consequences. It was the mid-60's and it was hardly cool to be gay.
Everyone assumed in those days that you would marry someone of the opposite sex within a few years of graduation. So I bowed to societal pressure and did.
My marriage lasted 11 often-stormy years and produced two sons. It was very stressful at times, but I'm glad I did it because now I have my sons in my life. I came out to my wife in 1981, and six months later she came out, too! Neither of us knew about the other's orientation all those years because we weren't ready to deal openly with it yet.
The separation, divorce, and resulting child-raising issues were harrowing for a couple of years. But both of us have been in rewarding committed same-sex relationships since 1983, and one of our sons is also gay (he was able to come out at the age of 19 and not worry about what anyone thought — times changed greatly in only one generation!).
I'm very happy now and feel very fortunate to have the love and support of all of my family members. (Only my father and one aunt had a great deal of difficulty with my sexual orientation, and they are now deceased.) I have a good and loving relationship with both of my sons, and my partner of 19 years also has a son and daughter-in-law who love us and accept our lifestyle.
It hasn't always been an easy road, but the "bumpy" years are now behind me and I'm glad I have the choice to be as "out" as I like. I'm grateful for the changes in society in the past few decades that have made that possible.
Dave M.
B.A. 1967
