Q&A: Techniques to Last Longer in Bed
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QUESTION: Are there any techniques that I can use to last above 15 minutes in bed?
ANSWER: The two techniques that are most commonly recommended to help men learn to last longer before ejaculating are called the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Men who practice them may, over time, find that they can last longer during masturbation or partner sex, but they may not necessarily take you past the 15 minute mark. You can learn detailed information about these in the Topics section of our web site, or by reading the book Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Dr. Michael Metz and Dr. Barry McArthy.
Another book that includes information about multiple techniques to last longer is a book called The New Male Sexuality by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld. One technique that he recommends, for example, has to do with learning to pay attention to the sensations in your own body so that you eventually become more attuned to when you might be close to ejaculating, and can learn to hold off. He also suggests that visualizing lasting longer, and what that might feel like, might be a useful strategy for some men.
Many men and women have an unrealistic view of how long intercourse typically lasts and no wonder – it’s actually very difficult to know how long people spend having sex. Researchers have found that if you ask women and men how long they spend having sex, most cannot give a reliable estimate. They may take a good guess, but they rarely know the exact time. In other studies, researchers have given women and men stop watches to use so that they can more accurately track how long sex lasts. Of course, you can imagine that using a stopwatch during sex might change sex, and may make people anxious about how long or how short sex lasts, and thus may end up influencing how long or short sex lasts. So those estimates are not necessarily a good indication either.
Rather than focusing on spending a specific number of minutes during intercourse, consider focusing on the quality of your sexual experience with your partner. Ask your partner what they enjoy about being sexual with you, or what turns your partner on. You can also share what feels good to you or turns you on, too. Consider ways of exploring each other’s bodies that involve a lot of touching and kissing, and treating intercourse as just one of many pleasurable things that you could do together, but not necessarily the only thing or the main event. That can help to take the pressure off of how long you spend in intercourse and can help to broaden and enrich your experience of sexual sharing.
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Dr. Debby Herbenick
